What Happens When You Leave the Holdeman Mennonites…

I am being and trying to become someone who I was taught in all the fibres of my being was bad – a ‘worldly’ person. Someone who belongs in the world. No wonder there’s a bit of resistance…

Mantras for Ex-Mennonites

1. Money is godly. 2. Sex is godly. 3. Pleasure is godly. Because Mennonites think money takes them away from God. That sex and the body are carnal and sinful. And that pleasure is of the devil and lures them into the world. In a world of hedonism, Mennonites are masochistic. But the pendulum doesn’t

What is Needed to Create Community

I can’t go back to the Holdeman Mennonites for four reasons: I want to keep my freedom of dress and self-expression, my choice on how I conduct my sexual relationships, my freedom of career choice, and my spiritual freedom. But I long for community. I want to share what I learned from the Mennonites about

Being Human

You know why I keep my journals?Some people burn theirs.  I want to keep mine because it’s hard being a human- it’s a challenge, it’s a victory to have lived a human life, and this is my evidence of it.  I also keep them because if my descendents are anything like me, they’ll want to

Learning to Value my Thoughts

I enjoyed thinking when I was growing up, and I still do.  My brother used to jokingly call me “philosopher” or “professor”, and my mom said, “Don’t analyze so much,” because she was uncomfortable with it. I needed it.  It helped me leave the Holdeman Mennonites.  It helped me see something was wrong.  It helped

Why I’m Not a Christian Anymore part 2

People say to me: don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to leaving Christianity altogether. Someone once told me, maybe you’re the baby. I’ve written before on the topic of why I left Christianity, but I wanted to add to it and expound on it. Again I will reiterate that the

Learning Empowerment During Lockdowns

When the second wave of lockdowns came, I really hated them. I did not want to be told what to do, who I could have in my home, who I could go to visit, and what I should wear on my face. It began to remind me of the rules I had to follow growing

Things That I Don’t Do Now That I Usually Did as a Mennonite

1. Go to church every Sunday. 2. Wear a headcovering. 3. Only wear homemade dresses. 4. Go to revival meetings. 5. Give the Christian greeting.  (The ‘holy kiss’ for the Holdeman Mennonites was a peck on the lips of a member who was the same sex as yourself.) 6. Take my radio out of my

Things I Do Now That I Never Could as a Mennonite

1. Take pictures.  (The Holdeman Mennonite doctrinal book says it a form of idolatry apparently, although it now happens in secret a lot.) 2. Listen to music.  (We would listen to our group sing live or over the phone, but we weren’t allowed to listen to recorded music or music with instruments – also happens

All the Good Things I Can Think of About the Mennonites

This is going to be hard for me to write, because I had many negative experiences growing up in the Holdeman Mennonites too, but its good to see both sides of a situation. I also have happy memories, and I want to honor and remember those as well. 1.  I’m proud of how my Mennonite